How ending people-pleasing shifts power and contributes to a more equitable world

Become  unstoppable in this episode of the Equitable Wellness podcast with guest Ishani Tewari, a coach dedicated to helping individuals overcome people-pleasing tendencies. Ishani shares her own journey of healing from chronic health issues and the turning points that led her to embrace self-leadership, authenticity, and ultimately coaching others. Our conversation touches on the mind-body-spirit connection, diverse healing modalities from EFT to breathwork to Ho'oponopono, and cultural context in understanding people-pleasing. Ishani also shares about emotional wound healing, what it feels like to become ‘unstoppable,’ and on the significance of joy. Finally, Ishani reads us a poignant poem of her own, in the spirit of encouraging healing.

A full transcript of the podcast can be found below, at the bottom of this blog post.

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Keywords

equitable wellness, people pleasing, self leadership, healing journey, mind body spirit, cultural context, unstoppable self, emotional wounds, holistic health, coaching

Chapters

00:00 Greetings and Ishani's bio
11:39 Turning Points: Ishani's Health Journey
18:02 Recognizing People-Pleasing Patterns
26:48 Self-Leadership: The Foundation of Authenticity
35:42 Diverse Modalities for Healing
45:07 Defining Unstoppable: Owning Your Power
51:03 Identity Shifts for Empowerment
53:01 Experiential Practice: That Which Brings Joy
01:04:27 Sharing Poetry: A Personal Touch
01:10:02 Future Aspirations and Community Healing

The Unstoppable self…

It’s been a blessing to host today’s podcast guest, the unstoppable Ishani Tewari—a coach who helps others overcome people pleasing and themselves become unstoppable.

I vibed a lot with the “unstoppable self” and embraced a 5-day group challenge this past week to become better acquainted with Ishani’s work…

But even leading to this, we have connected deeply on many levels.

Ishani, for one, has an artist’s soul. She embraces her creative power.

And you shall see that she shares within this article and episode a poem of her own… In time for one of the world’s largest literary festivals—National Poetry Month, as celebrated within the United States—for this new moon of April.



I am grateful to introduce a world-class healing artist.

Meet Ishani

Ishani describes herself as a global citizen, though physically rooted in India. Her worldview has been shaped by the books, movies, art, and diverse people who have touched her life.

She is a determined coach on a mission to help people quit people-pleasing and take charge of their lives. Her coaching journey began as a personal reflection to understand and heal her own people-pleasing tendencies—that led to serious health challenges including asthma, cervical spondylitis, debilitating migraines, and severe anxiety.



At the heart of Ishani's approach is a simple truth: love comes first. She firmly believes in everyone's capacity to create an unstoppable life on their own terms. Through her coaching and content, she works daily toward her vision of a world led by empathetic, authentic leaders who value genuine human connection above all. Not just dreaming of this future—she's actively building it, one transformed client at a time.

Highlights from the Episode

Owning Your Power and Becoming Unstoppable

Wow, okay. Just saying this word unstoppable raises my vibration. So this is my frequency raises my energy. Yeah, so like being unstoppable means to me very simply that I am going to own my power. So owning your power is, being unstoppable… now again with definitions, labels, identities, it is going to be very personalized to you. Being unstoppable could mean that you don't want to live in a city. You are like, I don't care about this I am going to go live in a countryside in my hut and have my cat that is being unstoppable. Like I don't care what others think, how I live, so this is me being unstoppable. For somebody it can be, “All my life I have seen my mother scrubbing floors and I don't want to do. That my being unstoppable is having a corporate job, right, so that I can really help her retire and I help her live the life that she's been desiring for so so long.” For somebody like me, my definition of being unstoppable is helping others be unstoppable.

Mind-Body-Spirit Connection and Breathwork

Turning Points and Seeking Healing

If you have some sort of chronic health issues, I'm not saying it's coming from people pleasing. But it is all definitely coming from an emotional wound. So I invite you to actually look at it and try to understand what is underneath that is going on. It is going to help you so so much.

—Ishani Tewari

Keep in touch with Ishani

Now that you’re ready to become your own unstoppable self—I highly recommend connecting with Ishani Tewari!

You can:

• Join her Self-Leadership School on Facebook, where she hosts free weekly trainings on how to be the leader of your life, as well as challenges

• Follow her on Facebook and Instagram

• Download two of her amazing free resources:
  

Break Free from people-pleasing in 7 Steps

The ‘Say No’ Playbook: How to set boundaries without feeling like a monster

Ishani’s Poetry

Healing

by Ishani Tewari

In the bold summer night

As I look at the moon one last time

Before I move to my bed

To lie awake throughout the night

Once again

You come and whisper

Hello, old friend

Cautious I’ve been

To keep you a secret

From everyone

From myself I guess

I thought I let you go

But now facing me

Once again

You stand and shout

Die, you bitch

To think

I let you go

To only find you

Grasping me tighter

Choking me till I

Die?

Scratch that

Breathe again

One deep breath I take

Inhale for 1,2,3,4

Exhale for 6,5,4,3,2,1

I see you fade away

Once again

You can’t kill someone who is already dead

I am a new me

You might come back

But I am ready

To send you away

Quicker and easier

Next time

This to me is

Healing

Shay’s updates

I’ve done it! I’ve committed, and I’ve shown up! Two podcasts a month, new and full moon, since launching the Substack last month (March and April).

It feels like another world ago, and yet an interesting new rhythm. Going forward, I imagine just one podcast guest per month, but we’ll see how it goes.

I will be taking May off from guest podcast invites. My mom and brother will be visiting me from the United States, for their first trip ever to Spain.

We’ll be back fresh in June for the podcast. I’ll send you a love letter (achem, newsletter) on the full moon and new moon in May.

For the podcast video recording platform, I currently choose Riverside.fm (affiliate link)

I recommend it for simplifying podcast video recording, post-production, and handy AI features. In addition, it is helpful for audio podcast editing, because it allows you to download the speaker voices separately if need be.



As always, thank you for your readership and another engaging conversation! I appreciate y’all joining me in this newsletter of love.

p.s. Thank you, everyone, for your thoughts, well wishes and prayers in light of yesterday’s power outage, which affected Spain, Portugal, and parts of France and Italy. Even a taste of a power outage of that magnitude puts things into perspective. How delicate is this status quo, and how quickly it can evaporate from one moment to the next. Let’s use our power for the unstoppable good, as we together contemplate privilege and power… Literally.

Full Podcast Transcript

Shayna Grajo (00:00)

So everyone, welcome back to the Equitable Wellness Podcast. If you are watching along on Substack or YouTube, you can find the full episode notes online.

on Substack at Equitable Wellness. Subscribe to support this work, join the community and have new episodes dropped right into your inbox. If you prefer to read as I do here with my little notes, ⁓ a full transcript will be available on my website blog at shaynagrajo.com, link in the notes. And for those listening along and other podcast players welcome as well.

⁓ If this is your first time listening in, this podcast highlights passion topics about equitable practices in the health and wellness space. For instance, we look at how spas, retreat centers, holistic practitioners, and luxury services incorporate collective liberation. This podcast is perfect for business owners, service providers, coaches, personal brands, and artists who are passionate.

about the connection to equity in holistic health and healing arts. So today, we have a very special guest who is with me. Ishani, would you like to say hello?

Ishani (01:27)

Hello! Hello everyone!

Shayna Grajo (01:30)

Yes, this special guest is a coach and I will introduce her. First, I will introduce myself. I am your host, Shayna Grajo. I bring to the table a background as a licensed massage therapist, yoga instructor, and former journalist turned marketer and copywriter. And working recently with a coach has helped me see that I would like to go into coaching someday myself.

and I will let that unfold as it comes. Okay, let me introduce our wonderful guest here, Ishani Tewari. Ishani, who is here with me, describes herself as a global citizen, though physically rooted in India. Her worldview has been shaped by the books, movies, art, and diverse people who have touched her life. She is a determined coach.

On a mission to help people quit people pleasing and take charge of their lives. Her coaching journey began as a personal reflection to understand and heal her own people pleasing tendencies that led to serious health challenges, including asthma, cervical spondylitis, debilitating migraines, and severe anxiety. At the heart of Ishani's approach is a simple truth. Love comes first.

She firmly believes in everyone's capacity to create an unstoppable life on their own terms. Through her coaching and content, she works daily toward her vision of a world led by empathetic, authentic leaders who, turn the page, authentic leaders who value genuine human connection above all.

not just dreaming of this future, she's actively building on it one transformed client at a time. All right, so Ishani, tell us if there's anything to add or where you are calling in from today.

Ishani (03:36)

Thank you. I think that describes most of what I do, who I am. I'm calling in from India, so it does not mention that I'm Indian. So that is again a big part of my identity. Apart from that, I am very passionate about equity and that's why I'm even having this conversation today with you. I'm deeply passionate about arts. I love dancing. I love music and I'm just

Also trying to understand who I am as an artist because I do write and I do paint. So I'm trying to figure that out right now. But like Shayna said, I am a coach. ⁓ When it comes to my work, I have always been a coach in some way or the other ⁓ in my life. So growing up, I used to teach or coach my friends about...

studies as well as their life. So I used to tell them, okay, this is how you should look at relationship or if there was anything that they were struggling with, they would come to me. So I was that kind of a friend who would always support and ultimately I realized that, okay, this is something if I can do for others, I can do for myself. That is how my journey began with coaching. And now I've helped more than 50 women across the globe.

in overcoming their people-facing tendencies. So I'm super excited and honored to be part of this conversation and I look forward to what we have in store.

Shayna Grajo (05:13)

Well, thank you so much for being here and for agreeing to come to this podcast. It does bring together practitioners in their different journeys of practicing equity, practicing liberation. It means a lot of things to a lot of people. And your voice definitely matters in the conversation and as well as the clients who have you helped to shape.

Why don't we start with your personal journey? You've shared powerfully about your health challenges and how healing wasn't just physical, but deeply emotional and energetic, spiritual, many other levels. What was that turning point for you?

Ishani (06:03)

Hmm. So thank you for that question. I... The turning point... There were actually two turning points in my journey. Number one was when I chose to move away from my house. It was back in 2021. I had done my post-grad diploma, post-grad study in Liberal Arts. And...

I remember very, very specifically, vividly about my graduation day and I couldn't go there. It was also COVID. So 2021 was when I graduated. So there was a ceremony that was supposed to be held and we would have been given our degrees and all of that. And I was in hospital. So that is thankfully the last time I was hospitalized.

Trigger warning, I was suicidal and even though I was hospitalized for my asthma attacks and all of that but the thing that was going on in my head is I can't live like this like this is just like how can I somebody live in pain every single day then when I say my journey was emotional spiritual it was because in

2021 of think October or November I was standing just right outside because now I'm back at home. So I was standing right outside and I was like should I just jump? Like should I just jump? And I know that it wouldn't cause anything because it's just the first floor. Yet the need to just end everything was super strong because I had lived my life of 22-23 years just feeling like a burden, just feeling like...

There's no point of my life. There's no point. And I don't know, I mean, I've not spoken about this and I don't know if, I mean, a lot of people in my life know about this, but this was the awakening moment for me. This was the spiritual turning point where this noise came like you need, you should live, like you don't deserve to die. And then I started reading about all these books and self-development.

spirituality all of that and in January 2021 I wrote a letter to the universe not knowing how and what will happen to just move away from this house because I knew that something needs to change and I can only change myself when I take this whole step so that was the first turning point the second turning point came when I was in Bangalore which is where I moved to not knowing anybody I didn't know the culture I went to this breathwork workshop

And I done everything, a lot of things. I was into ⁓ doing yoga every single day, yogic breathing, asanas, pranayama, everything. But then when I went to this breath work session, it is ⁓ called the holotropic breath work. It's basically you taking inhale and exhales in a continuous manner. And we did that for like two, three hours. It was facilitated. And I think that was also my first... ⁓

interaction with somebody holding a safe space for me to go deeper into my emotional journey and when I did that I saw myself ⁓ boiled, curled up as a fetus although I was an adult and I saw myself and there was this black, the entire world is black there's just one window and that

just released a lot of things for me. I don't know where it came from. I also saw and heard faint voices of my parents and I knew that there is something. I didn't know till then because till then I used to think this is only happening because I've been sick physically. But when that happened, I knew that there is something deeper. There is something emotionally that is going on that I need to heal. And then thus started my journey to figure out what is it.

I started journaling after that. That was the first moment I started journaling about, this is what I saw, this is what I felt. With breath work, you don't go deeper into, okay, where is this coming from? It is not like talk therapy, it's just a release through breath. So I couldn't figure that out, but slowly, slowly, slowly, I worked on it. And there was a third turning point, which was with my coach when I did an inner child healing. And it was then...

that I realized that this was all coming from people pleasing because I had lived my life to please my mother in specific and my parents, the culture that I come from but specifically my mother and on that day I released this need and since then I have I don't get like a lot of breath issues because I literally felt the burden of people pleasing removed from my body.

And yeah, so this has been that journey and I know that if you are somebody who has chronic health issues or I mean we can discuss more about it but if you have some some sort of chronic health issues I'm not saying it's coming from people pleasing but it is all definitely coming from an emotional wound. So I invite you to actually look at it and try to understand what is underneath that is going on. It is going to help you so so much.

Shayna Grajo (11:35)

Absolutely. I'm happy that you shared three pivotal turning points and also the many modalities that you experienced to really feel a shift, right? Breath work as well as coaching, working with the inner child and something very

Ishani (11:36)

I went on and on but just wanted to cover it.

I can't hear you.

Yeah.

Shayna Grajo (12:03)

Multi-modality, don't know how else to express it, but energetic, something that involves not just the body, not just the mind, but the connection of those two or of more, right? The connection of the totality of your being. So profound. I feel that it's a very challenging and beautiful statement to say, if there's some chronic health issue going on, look at your emotions. ⁓

Ishani (12:18)

Yep.

Shayna Grajo (12:32)

look at the patterns of the emotions. OK. So you came to recognize that it was people pleasing that kept you stuck. And it's beautiful that you took that direction into your own coaching practice. And you talked about the different steps that you took to shift that.

Ishani (12:33)

Please, yes please.

Shayna Grajo (12:58)

What, I guess, how did you start to shift that once you made this connection, it's people pleasing? What were your steps for yourself that you took at the beginning? ⁓

Ishani (13:10)

So, like I said, the first moment when I realized that it is coming from people pleasing because I was holding on to a lot of resentment for my mother. So after that, I started coming and connecting to my inner child, which is something that has helped me a lot in my journey of overcoming people pleasing because the resentment that I had was so deep, so deep that I started to hate people.

because the first connection that you have with people is through your parents. Parents, caregivers, primary caregivers, whoever you grew up with in your childhood. I mean, I also see that if you are, I mean, the spiritual connection is also through parents, right? So if you are somebody who gets, who had a troubled childhood, who had any sort of...

emotional wounding as a kid whose needs were not met if you were not allowed to be a certain way this is going to help this is going to move you away from people you're going to resent people and that is what my biggest step was for me to finally start connecting to people till then because of this resentment that I was holding against my mother I even though I had friends even though I was the

friend for so many, everybody used to call me their best friend but I was, I didn't think that anybody could be my best friend because I didn't think people have the capacity to understand me. So from that moment what I did was I allowed people into my life. I allowed people instead of assuming that nobody is going to understand me, I allowed people to be there for me and then I judged of course that okay this person can understand me, not understand me, I vibed with them, all of that.

And once you start doing that, you are going to attract people who really, really understand. So this is what I tell my clients also that people pleasing, you can heal people pleasing through people. People trigger you, but people have the capacity and capability to really heal you, help you in your healing journey. And so yeah, the biggest thing that I did was to let people in. And I started with the people that I already had. So for example, I have...

I consider my sister, my mother, she is just, she is somebody who full of full of love. She just have like an ocean of love. So I first time allowed her, like I spoke to her, I spoke about my needs and my wants and this is what I felt. And till then I had done, I had never done this. So yeah, so this is how I started by allowing the people who are already part of my life into my life.

instead of assuming that they don't have the capacity.

Shayna Grajo (16:08)

Beautiful. I love this notion, right? That triggered by people and healed through people, right? That's I do love this. So tell me now then, now that you've learned some of these techniques for yourself, or mindset shifts to leave the realm of people pleasing, that you're guiding other people.

What are some of the most common signs that someone is stuck in a people pleasing pattern? Would you like to tell us about that and how you recognize that in the people you work with?

Ishani (16:51)

Of course. So number one sign like I said if you have any chronic disease so it's like you wake up every day with some sort of a pain it could be because of some version some intensity of people pleasing because you are not living the life that you really want that is number one so something like asthma something like cervical spondylitis something like a foot pain pain in the feet it is a sure sure sign there are some emotional wounds that are leading from people pleasing because

All of these lifestyle diseases, all of these diseases are an uneasiness in your being. Disease is what? Disease is the not having ease in your life force energy, right? And it gets disrupted because of you being not who truly are. So that is one sure, sure sign if you have something like an asthma, cervical spondylitis, pain in your body, any...

gut pain that is also a very big sign. The second sign is the lack of confidence. Now some people can fake it also but if you internally are always questioning is this right for me, what will my mother say, what will my father say, what will society say, what will all of those things. So this is again second big big factor so every time you're taking decisions you're hesitating is this right.

is this, ⁓ I mean what should I, what I should truly do, all of those questions, then definitely it's a sign of people pleasing. And these are like very visible signs, the very subtle signs are you're always restless, so you want something to do or something, I mean you want... ⁓

You are figuring out always what should I do and who should I be. You are adapting yourself to different kind of situations. You are always reading the room and thinking like, this is how I should talk to this person. You are always changing your values and your views and your opinions based on how you are talking to the other person. And these are very subtle. You don't even realize it until you work with somebody.

until somebody holds a mirror and be like, you know what, this is not who you are. You are a loving person, but this is not who you are being. If you hold a lot of resentment for people, so you have this worldview that people suck, that everybody is bad, everybody is out there to get you. So that is again something that requires your attention to heal people-pleasing patterns. Perfectionism is also a big part of people-pleasing.

because you are always thinking about, I need to be perfect because it's somewhere coming from I need to be perfect in order to be loved and if I'm not perfect then I'll not be loved so this is again some sign of people pleasing

Shayna Grajo (19:53)

Okay, well, thank you. I'm ⁓ going to move on to the next question, although I know from working with you this past week, to get more acquainted with your work, I did a challenge, which is the inspiration for the title of kind of the episode about becoming the unstoppable self. We worked for at the very least four days, I missed day five, but I will watch the replay. ⁓

to journey into becoming the unstoppable self. And your training does go through four main archetypes ⁓ of people pleasers. But I will continue. Instead of talking about each archetype, I think you gave a very good summary of some overall characteristics in common. So let's move to your term of self-leadership. What does that mean to you? And why is it foundational in your work?

Ishani (20:52)

So this is something that actually I had not thought of so thank you for that question because self leadership I always say self leadership, but I sat down and I thought about it. I said Okay, Shani, what does self leadership mean to you? The self leadership means Leading myself from within so it is me coming back to my body my mind my soul so that There is a congruence between my actions my words, which is basically my thoughts and

my energy. So I feel if I have to lead myself, I have to know myself because it is by knowing myself in all my glory and all my gloom that I can lead my life, that I can be authentic in that moment. What I mean by that is if I am feeling emotionally charged, I am going to feel it and I'm not going to let because society has told me.

that you know women are always crying so you shouldn't cry or men can't cry so you shouldn't cry so all these emotions if I'm feeling an emotional charge and I feel my tears are going to come up I'm going to let it if I feel I have to be aggressive in order to deal with the situation when I say aggressive meaning I can increase the voice I can you know sometimes I'm aggressive with my thoughts

So I shout inside my pillow, all of those things. So I can be aggressive, I can be gentle, I can be soft, I can be tough. Whoever I feel I need to be in this moment that is coming from within, which we shut down all the time by thinking, okay, no, I can't be like this. I can't be like this. That is what self leadership to me is. It is me leading myself in my truest, authentic way, not letting what others tell me.

I should be but being who I am and owning my power. And I feel like it's the first step towards the equitable world, right? Because if I am myself, if I truly truly know myself, I won't be offended by other people how they define me. I would know my power, I would know that this is my context, this is my background and I'm not going to compare myself with somebody on Instagram and be like, you know what?

She is earning so much and I'm coming from the same context, but all of those things that we do. What is equity? It's actually understanding that this is where I'm coming from. This is my way of, my form of success. And then I'm not, if I'm able to come to this level, it is because of my, all of this, I mean, all of my background and this is what the world has provided me.

then I can take it forward. I think this is a big, yeah, so this is self leadership for me because I feel like you can't be a leader if you are always letting what others think define you. We need to first understand yourself, first have to self lead and then you can lead others as well. Yeah.

Shayna Grajo (24:05)

I just love how grounding your words feel, right? To come in this place of I am self-assured. I am self-validated. I know where I stand. I stand my ground. It's very grounding and beautiful, embodied, and wonderful. We'll move on. You work.

a lot with the mind body spirit connection, which includes physical practice. For instance, you start your sessions with centering, paying attention to the breath, maybe taking a few deep breaths, and setting an intention. I almost thought before starting the podcast that you should lead us being present in physical space. ⁓ But then

Whatever, I just continued as the podcast host ⁓ mode. But you help clients become present in your sessions, right, like you did in this five day challenge of becoming unstoppable. You use various forms of breath work as well, even in your introductory work, including breath work to release negative beliefs and pain held in the body. So

Please tell us more about your choice to incorporate this centering and connection.

Ishani (25:43)

Yeah, so like we started with I have gone through a lot of different experiences, different modalities myself. Okay, so I did a lot of breath work. I did a lot of yoga asanas and yoga pranayams and I did do the coaching thing as well. I have taken medications as well. I have not gone to therapy. That's the only thing that I have not done, but my coach was somebody who was

who had been a therapist and then she became a coach. So I have gone through, I have gone through and done all those things. I've done inner child healing. I've done journaling. So what I realized is there is...

There ⁓ is a beauty in all of these modalities, right? Depending on my need, depending on my need in that moment, in that phase of my life, something will work for me. But it's not like everything will work for me. Our brains are very different. ⁓ Again, the body, right? So our body is holding to all sorts of memories. So sometimes I'm in touch with my body, sometimes I'm not.

So this presence and the centering comes from me coming back to my body because my body holds all the wisdom of my truth, of my traumas, of my wounds and of all my happiness as well, of all my joy. But my mind is always lying. Okay, so it is based on all the lies or all the stories that I feed. So it can be a lie or it can be a truth, but it is based on that. When I connect the two, I have this congruence in

my being and that is why I have mind as well as body together whenever I am doing any kind of work. It is coming from two things A) that I have done this work and in some part of my life coaching worked, some phase of my life breath work worked, in some phase of life journaling works. The second is everybody is unique so for Shayna maybe breath work works more than meditation.

So I want to provide that space where you can identify what works for you. And I am somebody who loves learning. I'm curious by nature. All of these things I've tried and I realized that I can give that to you as a buffet. You can pick and choose what works for you. And probably everything works for you. Maybe you need to have, you need to be in a certain phase in your life. So I'm going to provide all of that. You have the power to choose what works for you from your toolkit.

from this buffet that I have ⁓ showcased in front of you and then you pick and choose and do that thing that works for you because the power is within you like the healing power is within you all these tools are here to guide you so that is what I do and it all starts with intention and that is why everything I do starts with intention like setting an intention for this this is not just something that I like to do it is actually very rooted in

our how our mind works and how our body works. So with our body with centering exercises we are coming back to our body which holds the wisdom and it is also actually telling my mind my reticular activating system which is always looking for clues it is a filtering system. So it is telling my RAS that you know this is what I want to focus on this is what I want to focus on in this entire one hour of discussion or two hours of

or the entire day. So it is going to focus on all those things. So yeah, that is why I have this broad buffet of things that I do because it has worked for me and I know that everybody is unique, everybody's journey is unique. So you choose whatever works for you.

Shayna Grajo (29:42)

cool. Among the things that work that you incorporate that I do love are you also bring emotional freedom techniques, EFT using the acupressure points of Chinese medicine, and chakra balancing as well from the yogic system. So are there, I guess, like what are there other modalities you work with? And what leads you to use, I guess, the

the buffet as you say.

as the next question.

Ishani (30:17)

Yeah, of course.

Yeah, of course. I work with a lot of these things, right? So breath work is different from pranayama. Pranayama is coming from, again, yoga, yoga sutras. So I use pranayama techniques depending on how comfortable are you. For example, there are people who don't like to do om chanting because they think that it's religious. And I understand that. I don't want to force anything on you, right? So I won't do om chanting with them. So I would probably do...

⁓ like EFT with them. So all of these things that are coming are coming from what works for you, what you're aligned with because you have to trust in those techniques more than me. Right? I can only provide you. So I do EFT, I do ⁓ chakra meditation, chakra, not therapy, but I use chakras to help you again come back to your body, which is a source, unlock the or unlock the various

unlock your genius basically and ⁓ other things that I use is there's this technique Hawaiian technique called Ho'oponopono so I use that as well it's a very very profound release I feel it has helped me unlock again my genius my connection to the divine and it also helps me connect beautifully to the entire world because this technique is based on the fact that all of us are

are one and if ⁓ there is my bias I mean if there is somebody who I feel pity towards or sympathy towards or happiness towards it's actually coming from what I feel about myself so coming back to yourself doing this prayer or doing this ⁓ exercise helps you again feel that connection so a spiritual way of doing ⁓ of being actually so this is the third

I definitely use coaching ⁓ which is based on the usual NLP. ⁓ What else do I use? I do use mindfulness which is a broad spectrum so I'm certified in mindfulness as well. I'm certified in life coaching, happiness coaching. ⁓ I'm also going through psychology so I'm taking my masters in psychology now so I'm reading more about that. Yeah, so I keep learning and this is what I use in... ⁓

But I feel if I have to say coaching, these are all the tools right? For me, how do I define coaching and probably you'll also agree, I'm not sure but let me know. Coaching is just me being present with my energy and you sitting coming here and we are having a conversation in a non-judgmental way, non-restrictive way. So whatever comes up collectively.

So it can be emotions for some people, it can be wounds for some people, can be just this beautiful creative genius for some people. Whatever comes up, we together collectively work on it. And then ⁓ you can go ahead and implement that thing in your life. That's it. I feel coaching is that me holding a space for you to realize your own genius.

Shayna Grajo (33:39)

I still really just love kind of thinking of this image of through all of these techniques, and through the work, like the people pleasing leaving or like slowly releasing from the body, like almost being like kind of purged, right? And I'm guessing like the relief and the freedom that comes from that, which will incorporate right these, these mind body practices.

think, it's a beautiful path that you help lead folks to. So tell us now about, with your experience serving clients from all over the world, many different cultural contexts, what would you say that different expectations among marginalized communities, if you will, ⁓ how does that reinforce people-pleasing and ⁓

I mean, I think that this is a big part of how you help shift people-pleasing. But tell me, like, about, in terms of just, again, the connection to equity in holistic health, what are your thoughts about working with people in very different cultural contexts to physically, emotionally, spiritually, energetically let go of people-pleasing?

Ishani (35:03)

I love that question so so much because again this is the base of my work. I want to really help create this equitable world which comes from us being authentic with who we are by building the next generation of authentic leaders who are rooted in their being. Because if I love myself I can send it to the other person also. I can relate to their hurt and to their journeys and then I can provide that love.

Now coming back to marginalized communities, so I would like to just give that disclaimer that I do not come from marginalized community at least in India. I am a Hindu, I am a Brahmin. So all my life I have lived in a very protective environment. Although through my, again, my books, my readings, my integration with the society, with everybody coming from all walks of life, my studies, education.

I do understand a bit but I just wanted to give that disclaimer that if I consider myself in India, am a very privileged person. I coming from a privileged community. So I cannot speak to the struggles of let's say somebody who has grown up in a Dalit community in India. It can be a Dalit woman but her experience and my experience will be completely different.

That being said, I can speak to the experience of women because I'm a woman and there is a lot of marginalization in my country, in my society when it comes to women. And then you said about clients and I can clearly see that

Patriarchy is so deep rooted in every culture. It shows up in different forms yet it is so deep rooted. So I have worked with a Catholic woman from USA. I have worked with a Muslim woman from Pakistan. I have worked with a Muslim woman from India. I have worked with again Christian from USA. So all of these people are coming from a different background. So there was somebody from again Christian from Suriname.

So all these people, all these women, the bottom or the base of their existence has always been that you need to be a certain way. You need to be a certain way in order to be loved, liked and appreciated. So depending on my context, if I talk about that, it looks like you have to have certain grades. You have to have a modest clothing, attire. You have to...

respect your elders no matter what. They can be as brutal as they can but you still have to respect your elders. yeah, so this is my context, right? You have to be this way. Similarly for other women, I have realized that they are again coming from... Yes, this feeling that their emotions, their needs, their existence is dependent

on how others see them. So instead of their power, their power is actually spread across how others look at them. So it is always an outward approach that they have to have about their being. So if somebody is appreciating me, then I'm valid, that my existence is valid. If somebody is saying that, you know what, you take care, you take such good care of me, then my ⁓ existence is valid. So all of these notions are

Again the intensity might differ but it is all that your existence is dependent on others which is the baseline of people pleasing for any community that you I mean at least for the women that I have worked with.

Shayna Grajo (39:08)

Yes, OK. think you have answered, I think, the next question I was going to ask, which is about the good girl identity and how you have personally worked to overcome that. And again, many people from many different contexts will maybe have other people pleasing identities that they would associate with. Now, let's talk about, I guess, the so-called flip side of

What does looking unstoppable look like actually when you use that word? ⁓ And what are the internal shifts that begin to take place? I think you've probably have spoken to that already. ⁓ But tell me about being unstoppable.

Ishani (39:55)

Wow, okay. Just saying this word unstoppable raises my vibration. So this is my frequency raises my energy Yeah, so like being unstoppable means to me very simply that I am going to own my power So owning your power is being unstoppable now again with definitions labels identities It is going to be very personalized to you being unstoppable

Shayna Grajo (40:00)

It raises mine too, I love it.

Thank

Ishani (40:23)

could mean that you you don't want to live in a city you are like I don't care about this I am going to go live in a countryside in my hut and have my cat that is being unstoppable like I don't care what others think how I live so this is me being unstoppable for somebody it can be all my life I have seen my mother scrubbing floors and I don't want to do that my being unstoppable is having a corporate job right so that I can

I can really help her retire and I help her live the life that she's been desiring for so so long. For somebody like me, my definition of being unstoppable is helping others be unstoppable. Right? So my definition is I am so rooted in my authenticity. I am so rooted in my being that if you have a problem with me,

I know that it is coming from some wound that you have. I am going to reflect for sure but I not going to make it my reality. I am not going to make it my truth. Just because you think I am stubborn or just because you think I am offensive. I am going to reflect on it but I am going to not let it shake me. Right? So that is being unstoppable. Be so rooted in your power that all these things don't really shake.

your entire value system which is what happens when you are not unstoppable. When you are not unstoppable what is happening is Shayna says, Ishani I don't like you. You go and think and think about it for so long and you are like you know what I think I also don't like myself. That is not being unstoppable right? So I will I accept what you are saying but I am going to stand my truth stand my power. Now the identity shifts that you

need to have or you can think about is

So let me define power first because this will help you understand what is, you know, what are these identity shifts that we need to have. So power is what ⁓ you have. And people define there is power struggle everywhere and everything. But I define power is the ability to do something. So my ability to do something is very different from your ability to do something. Right? So that is my power. That this is how I do it.

this is how I do it, this is how you do it. So power has different ways and power is what you have it is not something that you extend on others because that is force I mean at least that is how I define power. Force is what you extend over others right so I am a parent and you are a kid so this is my force. am going to what I say goes. The power is I am a parent.

looking at everybody in a holistic, equitable manner that you also have rights, I also have rights, this is what I do, this is what you do. Now, my ability to do something, which is my power, is always guided by either my fears or my truths. So fears are, we think fears are truths, but they are not, there is a difference. So fear is, I am not good enough, I am not safe, ⁓ I don't deserve this, I don't deserve...

appreciation, don't deserve praise, I don't deserve love. So these are the fears that a typical people might have. So the identity shifts that are required in order to own your power, which is basically becoming unstoppable, is these feelings that I am unstoppable because I deserve to be unstoppable. I am safe because it's very important that you feel safe in your identity in order to truly say this is who I am.

You don't feel threatened by anybody. So I am safe and I am enough. This feeling that I am enough. Even if I have million dollars in my account or even if I have ten dollars in my account, I am enough because my being is not because of the money or all these notions that if you are married then you are enough or if you are married then only, you know. So all these notions. I don't care. I am just enough because I am.

There's no justification required. So these are the identity shifts that are required. So three things, I'm enough, I'm safe and I deserve to be unstoppable.

Shayna Grajo (45:03)

Hmm. I'm in love, I'm safe, and I deserve to be unstoppable.

Ishani (45:10)

And the third one,

the fourth one, which is I am loved. I am loved. So for some people it can actually come from people. But if you are in the beginning, it might come from the universe, your God. That is why there are so many studies done that people who are spiritual or people who are religious also don't, ⁓ if you don't give away power to universe, which is there is a fear based.

faith also right, but I believe in pure love and I believe that my creator is full of love and that is why I extend love. So if that is the case then I feel loved. I don't care if my mother says I love you or not because I know I'm loved by my creator, by my consciousness, by... Yes. So this is what the fourth one is. I'm loved because all of us has this which is something that we didn't get.

when we were growing up which led us to become people pleasers, because of this feeling of safety, feeling of enough and feeling of being loved and feeling of deserving.

Shayna Grajo (46:19)

⁓ so beautiful. I feel that when you work with your clients on power, it helps shift power, it helps redistribute power, which is part of equity in my estimation. And that assuredly, this really does help to shift power in the lives of your clients in the world.

⁓ in different ideals, right? And anyway, I just, I guess, want to wrap up now. A couple questions in closing.

On that final note, thinking about shifting power and the power that everyone listening on the call already has, ⁓ what would you tell the audience here today about the power that they already have? If they were to know one thing today, what would that be?

Ishani (47:24)

Wow, I love this. So, when I think about this, there's something that happens in my heart. So that is what I would invite you to do. Maybe we can try it together and figure out the answer. Okay. So let's just close our eyes. That's what I do always because when you close your eyes, you're shutting yourself away from all the disturbance, all the chaos and all the noise that is outside of you, which is not what you need.

Shayna Grajo (47:36)

Yeah. Yeah.

Ishani (47:53)

Just being here in this moment, if you place a hand on your heart and the other hand on your tummy

and you trace your breath as you go in and out. So breathing in through the nose and out through the mouth.

into the nose again and now through the mouth

I want you to ask one question yourself which is, what brings me joy?

What brings me joy? Because joy is power.

So let whatever comes up, come up.

you can open your eyes, so what comes for me you can tell me what is coming up for you. ⁓

When I say what my power is,

comes up as creation. So I just instantly connected with my childhood or with the self of mine who loves creation. It can be anything. It can be creation of ⁓ a poem or it can be creation of an art design. It can be anything creative. It can be cooking. Cooking is super creative. So for me, my power is creation.

because it gives me joy. Power is something that you do. Your ability to do something is power and it is directly related to your joy. Because the more joyous you are, the more joyous you ⁓ will show up in the world as and the joy will extend from you to the outside world. So the power

how you can start identifying is basically by really leaning into your body asking yourself what gives you joy because when you were a kid that was your power your creative aspect it can be something else for you so let me know your answer but I'm just sharing from what I felt right in this moment and I didn't realize it okay so I thank you for holding this space for me where I can come back

and ask these questions to myself also because even though I knew I loved creating today right here doing this work I realized that my power is actually creation because I really really really enjoy it. My ability to do something is just creating and the more I create the more powerful I feel the more it gives me joy.

Shayna Grajo (50:41)

you

I love that. Thank you. All right.

Ishani (51:08)

What is your power?

Shayna Grajo (51:11)

Gosh, I'm going to resonate with the joy. I saw something very like, bright. I think, yeah, it might be classic, but like the sun, right? just, I don't want to, again, I'll keep your answer the way it is, right? Not going to steal it ⁓ in terms of just creation and creativity, but energy, right?

this sense of kind of, I saw many things, but that also I think is attached to, yeah, life, vitality. And I love that you say leaning into the body because I feel that yes, everything comes through the body at some point or another. And it's always been a big part of my work to understand the conduit of

Ishani (52:02)

Yeah.

Shayna Grajo (52:09)

you know, the exquisite power of the body holds. All right. So we'll come back to your creativity.

Ishani (52:20)

We have gone through these moments of laughter and every time you laughed something happened in my being. Like I really laughed from and maybe I just felt a lot of joy which is very very important for me to feel in order to feel safe. And when you said bright I feel that your power lies in making people feel bright in their being.

I don't know if you would agree to it or not but this is what ⁓ I feel when I'm in your vicinity even though it's a virtual room. But just being with your energy I feel bright in my being and I feel like that is, I don't want to define it for you but I feel like when somebody asks me who is Shayna I feel this is how I'll define Shayna. Yeah, just wanted to share it.

Shayna Grajo (53:16)

thank you.

I mean, I feel like there really are kind of like yoga words or Sanskrit words I could use that are maybe better at describing it because it's like I felt more of like an image, right? Than like, you know, image with feeling, but some of the words could be virya or, you know, prana, like that like expansive sense of this just

energy, you know, for lack of better words, or life force, I mean, but more of that, like, yeah, like the energetic quality of life. Like, life is energy, which is why I brought up the sun. But yeah, like the visual sense, like, I think for me have always related to like the sun, or bright places, or places that are very

Ishani (53:55)

Being.

Shayna Grajo (54:12)

brightened by the sun. I mean, whether it's here in the South of Spain or beaches or just like some, you know, very, yeah, sunny places. I've always been drawn to sunny places. Even after living in upstate New York for many, many, many years that were not as bright, right. But yeah, there is like that. ⁓

Ishani (54:16)

Yeah, I get that.

Yeah.

Yeah,

yeah and even this podcast is basically about that right shining light on the issues and

issues of the equitable practices of the wellness industry. So this is your mission as well. See, even this, my painting that is in the back also has a lot of these colors because I am also attracted and I think that is why we are collaborating on this as well because I feel like I'm only attracting people who I...

vibe with, relate with, right? And when you say beaches, when you say sun, I totally, totally resonate with it because I am somebody who is always looking for sun. There was the saying ⁓ when I was in a corporate job, every winter, ⁓

I would just take my laptop and I don't care about whoever, wherever anybody is sitting. I would just go to the terrace of my office and I work there. So anybody would want to ask about me, where is Ishani? They would just say she is searching for the sun. So wherever the sun is, you just go and find her.

Shayna Grajo (55:52)

Ishani has published two books on poetry and in the spirit of National Poetry Month in the United States, April. Also, just because Ishani is a poet, among many things, I'm inviting her to take the stage with a poem to share. A poem that she wrote last year.

Would you like to share the poem and tell us about the poem?

Ishani (56:20)

Yes, thank you so much. I've only published one book but my poetry has been published in two books. So I just wanted to ⁓ clear that, clarify that. That's okay. I love poetry and thank you for giving this space to come as my authentic self and where lies the artist also. So thank you. And the poem is called Healing.

and what I feel is healing. Okay, so here is how it goes.

In the bold summer night As I look at the moon one last I move to my bed To lie awake throughout the night Once again, You come and whisper Hello, old friend. Cautious I've been To keep you a secret From everybody From myself I guess I thought I let you go But now facing me Once again

You stand and shout Die, you bitch To think I let you go To only find you Grasping me tighter Choking me till I Die? Scratch that Breathe again One deep breath I take Long one. Inhale for 1, 2, 3, 4 Exhale for 6, 5,

4, 3, 2, 1 I see you fade away once again You can't kill somebody who is already dead I am a new me You might come back But I am ready To send you away Quicker and easier Next time This to me is Healing

Shayna Grajo (58:27)

Thank you for sharing. Yes, we will share this poem in the print and on the website, wherever you are going to read this. So thank you, Ishani for sharing this with us. Sharing and

gracing us with your exquisite poetry. ⁓ And yes, the importance of creation and artistic expression for standing in your power, for expressing the authentic, unstoppable self. ⁓ It is so appreciated. Then the last question. ⁓ For all of the...

Ishani (59:17)

Thank you so much. Thank you.

Shayna Grajo (59:24)

listeners and readers who have been along on this chat.

Ishani (59:30)

Thank

⁓

Shayna Grajo (59:33)

If Ishani's story resonated with you, which I know for me it definitely does, and you're ready to become your own unstoppable self, I highly recommend connecting with Ishani and I will say a few of the ways you can do so if you choose. You may join her Self- Leadership school on Facebook, where she hosts free weekly trainings on how to be the leader of your life.

and she holds challenges such as the one that I have taken also about becoming the unstoppable self. You may follow her on Facebook and Instagram and also download two amazing free resources. One is Break Free from People Pleasing in Seven Steps and also the Say No Playbook: How to Set Boundaries Without Feeling Like a Monster.

All right, all of the links are in the show notes and I promise you will love every bit of the insights. So on that note, would you like to share anything else coming up that you're excited about?

Ishani (1:00:47)

Yeah, so...

There's just lot of emotions coming up first of all. So I just really really really want to thank you. I'm super grateful. This is my first podcast ever and I just wanted to come and say my thank you. You are amazing for the work that you do. So I'm really really happy to see somebody who really cares about the world and the equity in the world. So first of all that. Second, ⁓

Yes, I am super excited. I'm actually working with my coach on building something which is more equitable. So I've realized that even though I want to keep my prices, and this is something that we have not spoken about, but prices are something that is, ⁓ you know, this wellness space is becoming more and more exclusive, I think, instead of inclusive.

and we can talk about pricing some other time. So I am trying and really leaning into my body and the wisdom of my body to create a space where it can be an inclusive space for us to come and work on these on anything on these emotional wounds so that we can heal together in a community. So I'm building that. So it will be like a group program or

just a space for us to come together, to heal together because people heal you. That is the space I'm creating and I'm very excited about. But of course my one-to-one program is always there. I love personalized care because I think and I know that you are an individual with individual needs. So that is always there for me. ⁓ So yeah, the thing that I'm excited about is just keep doing this work and helping people, quit people pleasing.

one person at a time. So thank you again for letting me be part of your wonderful, wonderful, wonderful podcast. Thank you.

Shayna Grajo (1:03:00)

Thank you so much, Ishani, for being here, for agreeing to be a guest and to speak upon your expertise and insights and your guidance and your care and your equal passion of equity and what that means and how we all keep taking our steps forward. All right. That is all.

Thank you. All the links will be in the show notes and hope to keep in touch.